I went on a trip with my friend last weekend.
In fact, it was like an escape for me.
I needed some time-off not to think about him and have fun by myself not with him.
I knew that i would be worried about what he was doing and so forth, but on the other hand, i thought it would be a good time for him to think about me and felt something being himself.

To say diretly, he did worry alot about what i was doing.
He sent me texts which were about nothing special.
He called me at nite and checked out what I did on that day.
when I got contacts with him, i thought he cared about me so that he called me or whatever.
but actually it was not.
he went out with his buddies and met hot girls in bar or club.
I found it coz he wrote it on his blog.
Before reading his diary, I had no clue what he did on that weekend.
I didn't bring my laptop of course. I really wanted to be separated from my real life in NY.
I really needed it to keep my calm and not going nuts.

actually, before the trip, he called me and we made some promises.
going out and dancing with somebody are OK
but no kiss, no sex.
That's what we made.
I don't know if he kept the promises or not.
I did though. anyway I didn't have any chances to meet any guys on the trip....

and when we talked about it, he confessed something important, at least, for me.
he is dating another girl. He met her before we met.
he is dating with me and her only (right now)
I said if u dating with somebody else and not consider me as an exclusive one, I'll reconsider our relationship.
yes, I said it.

after some counseling sessions, i found my self so exhausted physically and emotionally.
I went out with him every nite and have arguments almost every single day.
I just don't think I am who I was before, right now.
I need a break and have to dicipline myself. gotta controll my mind.

since I heard that he IS dating with somebody else and writing his meeting-girls diary on the internet, I decided to see other guys.
I won't tell him I will or I did.
It's not my obligation.
but I have good guys who think about me as special or more important that he does.
so i guess I should to go for them.

other things that he said and irritated me were that i asked my friends to take care of him meaning watch him in club so that she can tell me what happen in clubs.
That's so natural. don't u think so?
coz I was away i couldn't watch up with anything.
I can't trust him anymore since he did tell me a lie.
actually I told him about that and he said " I thought you knew it already so i thought I wouldn't need to tell u"
what's wrong with u???
even though we talk a lot every nite, you won't tell me about you meet my friends?
that's so ridiculous.
I've already got over it and no longer be angry at him but it just doesn't seem right to me.
anyway, after I said what I felt, I kinda feel better.
I said what I wanna said so at leat it's good for me.